OK I have 185 days until I get on a plane to Nepal and at this point I am very aware that I am still 19 stone and I need to lose roughly another 3 stone. I am also aware that apart from the near death experience in the Lake District a few weeks back I haven’t really done much mountain walking since I did the Three Peaks in 2009.
I probably need to play a few games of rugby as well because if I can’t play a game at sea level in Surrey I suspect I might struggle a bit at over 6500m in Tibet.
I also need to work out how to replicate training at 6500m because unless there is a substantial, and as yet undiscovered 8000m high mountain, somewhere in the UK there are not many options locally for me to stagger up or fall down. I still need to climb a few of the usual UK peaks like Snowdon, Ben Nevis, Pen-y-Fan and Waun Fach and I have booked trips to Wales, The Lakes and Scotland over the next three months but I suspect they will just help with the cardio fitness rather than the altitude.
It isn’t all bad news as I’ve joined a gym, the Nuffield Health club, in Chislehurst just off the A20 so I can get in early on the way to the office. The even better news is that I’ve even been to it and no, to the cynical bastards among you, not just to use the Sauna and Jacuzzi. In fact I have dropped from over 20 stone to 19 stone since joining so I must be doing something right.
I’ve also managed to raise over £1000 of my £10,000 target through the kindness of donations from friends, family and other well wishers. If you can afford to donate to the fantastic charity that is Wooden Spoon and help me hit my fundraising target please click here
I have also been lucky enough to have received numerous suggestions and messages of support from friends and family. A friend of mine, we’ll call him “Dave”, who teaches mathematics has helped me break down all the problems, tasks and issues I have into simple formulae so it doesn’t all seem so daunting.
Helping Disadvantaged Kids = (Mountain + Rugby + Altitude + Pain) x Fundraising
(Mountains x Altitude) + (Gym + Rugby – Cake)/Gin* = Not Dying*
*Apparently to make these formula work Gin is a constant and Not Dying is a variable.
“Dave” also suggested I come up and play a few Vets games for my old club, Old Mid-Whitgiftian, in Sanderstead. He suggested this whilst lying on the sofa, watching Peppa Pig and moaning about his aches and pains from playing the day before and surrounded by used ice packs. The whole situation was made infinitely more amusing when his son ran in and jumped on him. I suspect it will take until the new year for me to find the necessary courage to actually pull a pair of boots on and run out on the pitch but I think it prudent to see if I can still catch and/or pass.
“Dave” also suggested I take up smoking because apparently research has shown that smokers do better at altitude than sensible people. As I very much suspect this research was done by the sort of people who write the “Six Months of Snow Hell and -20° C In May” weather reports for the Daily Express so I decided to take his suggestion “under advisement”. Apart from the other obvious disadvantages I wasn’t sure that making myself smell even worse on the side of a mountain was in anyone’s best interests least of all the poor unfortunate soul who has to share a tent with me.
I also just heard that the fabulous team at Wooden Spoon are also sorting out “Altitude Training” for all the challengers and this sounds both incredible and awful. Simulating the effects of playing rugby at 6500m sounds dangerously close to “simulated dying” on a mountain so I am nervously awaiting the details.
So between trips to mountains, suggestions from “Dave”, giving up cake, drinking Gin, going to the gym and “simulated dying” I have the basics of the plan to get me ready to play rugby on Everest. My wife liked this plan so much she recently increased my life insurance premium and has started saying things like “I will miss you forever you know”. In hindsight I am not sure watching the film Everest with her was such a good idea.
So the planning is done (ish) and now comes the hard work. It most probably will not be plain sailing but I am excited about seeing what I am actually capable of and how I can adapt to the curve balls thrown at me. The best-laid schemes o’ mice an’ men Gang aft agley, An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain, For promis’d joy!
Deano's World 